Diamonds Are Forever

Those rings sat in a drawer for over thirty years...a reminder of a marriage and a divorce.  So many feelings when I looked at them:  joy and sadness, laughter and tears.  And they continued to sit in that drawer.

Being divorced is like experiencing a death in the family.  Emotions run wild and crying becomes a daily habit.  But time has a way of stilling those feelings.  After all these years I am able to celebrate children and grandchildren with my ex and his wife.  We go to birthdays, graduations and holiday parties at each other's homes.  They are part of our family...something I wouldn't admit all those years ago.  But I have seen the love for our kids in their eyes and also the response to our strong family ties from the kids.  It's good....all the way around.

So, for the rings....there they sat.  I decided that instead of a grim reminder of a failed marriage, I would translate them into a symbol of strength and love.  My strength in moving forward with my life.  My love for our strong family ties and each person who makes up that family.

Off I went to my jeweler.  Together we created a round silver and gold pendant.  The diamond from my engagement ring is in the center and the five diamonds from my wedding band create a circle around that center.  The circle reminds me that love has no end and that life goes around and around....good times, laughter, joy, sad times, tears, sorrow and back around again.  The diamonds serve to remind me that I am strong and can do anything.  I have the power to engage life to the fullest and I am promising myself to do just that.

I am thrilled with the finished product.  A small pendant with a large meaning.  Something I am proud to pass down to my daughter and that she will, in turn, pass down to her daughter.  A symbol of strength and courage and joy....that is, after all, what makes a family.

A Sad Farewell

I recently heard that my cousin's husband had passed away.  This really saddened me.  We weren't all that close, exchanging Christmas cards and news about our families was the only communication we had in many years.  But I was sad.  Nick was the kind of man you never forget.  I remember exactly when I met him.  I was in eighth grade and my father and I went to visit my cousin Gayle at Elmhurst College.  I think she might have been a freshman, but I'm a bit fuzzy on that point.  We went to her room in the dorm and I remember the curtains at the window and the bedspread and all of the pictures and mementos on her bulletin board.  We waited in her room because she wanted to introduce us to her boyfriend and then we would walk around the campus.  The real purpose for this trip:  my dad was pushing college, not that I needed that push.  I was already enthralled and couldn't wait until I could decorate my own college dorm room.  A knock on her door and there was Nick.  Almost shyly she introduced him to my dad, her favorite Uncle and then, to me.  I remember him as so charming, so handsome, so mature....unlike the boys I knew!  We toured the campus and I fell in love....with college and with Nick.  I saw him on holidays celebrated with my dad's family and then on Nick and Gayle's wedding day.  They were a shining couple, so in love.  Through the years we all kept in touch, meeting very infrequently.  The last time I saw Nick was at my brother's funeral.  He was an old man, but then, I had aged too.  They were both still so in love, it was plain to see.  I have never forgotten his kindness to a "little kid" visiting college for the first time.  I have never forgotten his smiles and kind words when we were together.  I have never forgotten that they came to Tom's visitation.  So, now I say goodbye to Nick.  I know those who were close to him knew him better and have so many beautiful memories of him.  Mine are few, but they are beautiful also.  I cried when I heard the news, but I also had a small smile for the man he was.  Peace Nick, and thank you.

What's In A Word?

Recently I saw "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" at the St. Louis Repertory Theater.  I thought that it would be hard to bring that wonderful movie to the stage, and no one, and I mean no one could possibly take Sidney Poitier's place.  I was right about Sidney, but the play was very well done.  One line really struck me and I've been thinking about it for several days.  In the mist of an argument with his father, John Prentice says that when you use the word "colored" to describe him, you limit him...wow!

It started me thinking that words that describe us because of race, religion, sexual preference, or gender, do in fact limit us.  Why do we need statistics that group children by race....what does race have to do with the way someone learns?  Why do we define a CEO as a woman or man....what does gender have to do with the way they do their job?  Why do we describe someone as an African American, an Hispanic or a Caucasian...what does the color of someone's skin have to do with who they are as a person?

These limiting words have limited us as human beings.  Using these adjectives cause us to ascribe characteristics to people that stereotype them.  We see the riots in Ferguson and everyone, well almost everyone, decried what "those people" were doing to their neighborhood.  Not many of us stopped to really look at the sadness in the eyes of the neighborhood people who couldn't understand what people from out of town were doing destroying buildings and businesses.  We hear of a woman CEO whose comments are called harsh and biting because, well, woman aren't supposed to be like that...soft and sweet and walked on is what women should be.  We hear the church talk about injustice but don't stop to think about the injustice that same church inflicts on women (men and children also) every single day.  We complain about the immigration problem because  we don't want our tax dollars going to educate or support Hispanics (or any other non Americans) and fail to see the good that could come to our country from educating young women and men of promise.

Limiting words....really do limit our perception of a person as an individual with talents and skills.  Limiting words...perpetuate the stereotype that has formed and reformed over the years. Limiting words...end up limiting us, the very people who use those words every day.